My 2-year-old JB loves trains. I mean he LOVES trains. At home he carries around his “train magazine,” an issue of VIA (put out by AAA) with a feature on train travel. He sleeps with photos from his visit last spring to Niles Canyon railway, his favorite book is Freight Train, and he prefers to hold it on the steam engine page and narrate himself than to have it read to him. And, we have a train table at home, where he only has to share with his brother.
So, you can imagine JB at the train table at school. He tells other kids how to play: “Trucks go on ROAD!”“You go on THIS track!” He gets frustrated: the magnets repel each other, he gets the train to the top of the hill and before he can get around to the other side of the table, it falls backward; or, he reaches the end of the track and the trains fall off. The result is screaming, crying, and even the tossing of a train or two.
Last week, I walked into the classroom and JB was standing by the train table crying. My gut reaction was to walk up, comfort him and ask what’s wrong, and do what I can to make it better. But before I did, Teacher Annie let me know that Jack needed to cry right then. After a few minutes, he stopped and started to play again, proceeding to do what he was working on before.
What he needed right then was to work through his frustration, not for me to swoop in and fix it, which is what I do a lot at home. Not because I think that’s the right way to parent, but because it’s my first instinct: I’m tired, I’m overwhelmed, and I just want the screaming to stop. But as Teacher Annie said, it’s possible JB sees the trains as a safe and familiar place to express himself. And, if we can help him discover how capable he really is on his own, then there will be less screaming in the long run.
One of my other concerns is how JB dominates the train table. Annie’s response is that the other kids can either stand up to him or find something else to do. And when she told me this, I felt relieved. I don’t have take responsibility for everything interaction he has. And, more importantly, it’s okay for him to be who he is.
THIS is why we're at Explorer. To be in this safe environment of exploration—not just for little hands and feet, but also for emotions (I almost said little, but JB's emotions are not so little). To have the opportunity to see interactions modeled in the moment. To give me tools, ideas, and a sense of community. And I end up feeling like I’m not alone in this crazy world of parenting. My kid is okay. Maybe I'm even an okay parent.
Do you have an Explorer experience to share? We're looking for parent contributions to our blog! Email blog@explorerpreschool.org.
Kim Kooyers is mom to JB, 2.5 and Ry, 5. She also blogs at gratitude365 and SpiroChicks.
I remember Teacher Annie saying that a lot of learning to share happens at the train table. She's so calm in the face of fighting over trains! When you see it from that perspective, it somehow becomes a bit easier to let them "work through the frustration," right? I love how 30 seconds of something Teacher Annie says can somehow seem to solve all my problems! Until the next challenge comes up....it is great to know that the Explorer community is there for us. You're right, THAT is why we are there. It is not childcare, it is a community, learning and shaping our kids (and us, as parents) for years to come.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful community you have at Explorer! Even though it isn't a possiblity for my kids to attend, thanks for sharing the good advice online. As the mom of a strong-willed two-year old too, this post was one I needed to read today.
ReplyDeleteSunni!
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading and writing so many great comments on the blog!