Parenting from the Inside Out: Book-related Discussion

By Fouzia Ahmad, an MWF parent

After some thought-provoking discussions on this great book at our March and April PECs, I thought it might be a good idea to follow-up with some of Kent Campbell's colleagues on questions that we may not have had a chance to get answered.  I caught up with one of the panelists, Dolat Bolandi, a licensed marriage and family therapist, providing psychotherapy to adults, couples, and teens in Los Gatos, and presented these questions to her.  Read on to know what she had to say:

Q. As a psychotherapist, what about this book stands out to you?

DB: I like the fact that this book really shows in a more concrete, evidence-based fashion how we are affected by our primary relationships.  It also delivers hope and a way to heal both as parents and in helping our children develop in a more conscious, connected way.

 Q. The book talks about emotional attunement with your child; that is attuning to the emotion inside your child before you change the external behavior.  How do you think current day practices such as Ferberizing fit into this model?  If we let our child cry it out until they “give up” on thinking that anyone is going to come get them, isn’t that---according to the author---just fixing external behavior without really attuning with our child?  How do you think this might affect children as they grow older and the nature of their attachments to their parents?

DB: The Ferberizing method has been taken in many extremes, which is not helpful.  Letting a child/baby get to know their own frustration and learn how to self-soothe is an essential skill that needs care and time.  Letting the child cry to the point that he or she has to give up is---intuitively---not attuned.  On the other hand, hovering over the child constantly and “fixing” everything is intrusive and equally not helpful.  In my opinion, one of the main messages of this book is asking the parents to invest in getting to know themselves as they are getting to know their child, so that they can separate and focus on what is needed in the present moment rather than their unmet needs of the past.

Q. If the low road, by definition, means that the higher-level processes of the brain have shut down, is it even possible, at a physiological level, to stop yourself and get out once you are immersed in the low road?  Should you be attempting to fix the problem when it's actually happening, or later, after you have recovered and reflective capacity is restored?

DB: I think the first task is to get out of the low road, the state that activates the fight or flight response.  For example, taking deep breaths is known to help reverse the fight or flight reaction. By definition, we can have access to more of our internal resources, and therefore, respond more effectively.

Q. Sometimes kids lie to get out of trouble.  On the other hand, sometimes kids lie because they do not want to feel “exposed” and want to maintain their dignity.  Are the mental processes within a child’s brain different in both cases of lying, and should parents handle both lying scenarios differently?

DB: I am not sure how the mental processes compare in the two scenarios.  When a child lies, I do want to explore and wonder what is behind the lying.  For example, depending on the age of the child and how imaginative the child is, he or she may not truly be lying in their own mind.  When there is lying based on fear, as a parent, I would want to see how I can change the dynamic around so there is more room to tell the truth and still set limits.  So digging deep inside to see what the child may feel and to be able to put words to their experience can be an effective way to connect.  For example, “It must be hard to see your sister get a new dress, while you don’t,” is one way to connect in an empathetic fashion, without either “fixing” the problem or getting rid of  feelings of jealousy.  It can give permission to the child to experience difficult feelings and know they are OK.  The feelings can be known, but don’t have to be acted on.  Kids need kind and firm limits.

Q. A section in the book offers some examples on how to resolve trauma or loss and suggests using reflective statements in this regard.  One example about a young child who has a change in her babysitter is as follows: “Anna took care of you since you were a baby.  You probably didn’t want her to leave.  Do you still wish you could see her every day?”  I think this is great, but what should be the conversation that follows?  You know, after the child, all teary-eyed, says, “Yes, I do.”

DB: This can tug at every parent’s vulnerability to want to have their child feel better quickly.  The idea is to continue to give words to the child's experience with empathy and a sense of connection.  Perhaps a response could be to continue reflecting.  For example, “I hear how much you miss her, and it’s hard to not see her every day.”  This is a great example of how one can practice grief in life. Tears are a part of grieving, and having others around who are willing to bear it with you is also an essential part of passing through life's losses, both big and small.

Q. During our group discussion, you had given us an analogy comparing children’s emotional behavior to that of pregnancy.  Would you repeat that here so that it may benefit our readers?

DB: I was comparing how when one is pregnant, the fetus/baby feeds off of the mother's body, and needs the mother’s body to digest and get rid of toxins as well.  Emotionally, the same metaphor continues.  Children need their parents in order to be nurtured, and also to help digest and get rid of the "toxins".  For example, this is especially visible when a young child keeps it together all day, but as soon as his or her mother or father comes in, the child's behavior falls apart.  This child needs the parent to help digest all that he or she has taken in through the experiences of the entire day.

Q. A large section of the book presents the science behind attachment and the brain.  But the scientific information about interpersonal neurobiology can be overwhelming for many of us.  Can you provide a couple of "gems" of information from amidst all of it that you consider key to bettering us as parents?

DB:

• Develop your support system.  Be around other parents who are willing to be honest and share how joyful and how messy it is to be a parent.
• Self-care is crucial.  It’s about being able to ride the high roads.
• Mindfulness practices (yoga, meditation, etc.) are effective ways to develop the muscles that allow us to be able to observe, respond, and not react. 
• Don’t wait too long to get support.  You don’t have to be in trouble to be in therapy; it is also a place for growth and can be a preventive approach.
• Have fun and leave room for mistakes.

Q. What do you think is the most important thing for parents to think about after reading this book?

DB: To me, this book also delivers a lot of hope: our attachments can continue to reshape, but needs conscious effort on our part.  This is an ongoing process.  It is part of our makeup to revisit the past (consciously or not) in an effort to heal and grow---just like our children.

Dolat Bolandi, M.A., is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Gatos, providing psychotherapy to adults, couples, and teens.  For more information on her services, you can check out:

http://www.dolatbolandi.com

Screen-Free Week 2012: April 30 - May 6

By Teacher Annie Castle Deckert

Screen-Free Week:  What a concept!  When my kids were little, I sort of “knew” that TV-watching wasn’t the best way for my children to spend their time.  But what I didn’t understand is that kids who watch less TV (or better yet, no TV) become better and better at the thing they need most: play.

Twenty years ago, while agreeing in principle with the idea of spending a screen-free week with my preschoolers, I’m sure I would have been slightly horrified at the thought of a week without even a minute to myself.  Like many other parents, I used the TV as a babysitter.  A couple of kids’ shows everyday gave me time to catch up on something, take a shower, or just hear myself think.  I didn’t realize then that an hour of TV everyday was making my kids more needy and demanding.  I was a tired, struggling mom with busy, active kids, like most preschool moms I know.  And yet, I’m challenging YOU to try committing to Screen-Free Week.

One nugget of wisdom I’ve acquired: Television and other screen-related activities reduce children’s ability to think and create.  This results in kids who are more whiny, more bored, and more unhappy than nature intended.  Children who aren't used to being entertained don't miss it---because they are expert at entertaining themselves.  A child who has a steady diet of TV, movies, and video games has less faith in his or her own imagination, and finds it more difficult to play.  Honestly: if I had it to do over again, I’d get rid of the TV when my kids were young.

Diane Levin is an expert on the effect that media has on children and has authored several well-known books about it, including "So Sexy So Soon", "The War Play Dilemma" and "Remote Control Childhood."   Here is what she has to say about Screen-Free Week:

Screen-Free Week is a fun and innovative way to improve children's well-being by reducing dependence on entertainment screen media, including television, video games, computers, and hand-held devices.  It's a time for children to unplug and play outside, read, daydream, create, explore, and spend more time with family and friends.  And, of course, Screen-Free Week isn't just about snubbing screens for seven days; it's a springboard for important lifestyle changes that will improve well-being and quality of life all year round. 

Other info and expert commentary can be found at:

www.commercialfreechildhood.org

I would encourage parents to give their kids a break from electronic media, even if the first few days may be a bit frustrating.  Kids often fuss at first about the things that are best for them.  But parents who are willing to persist through the whining will eventually be rewarded with the joy of watching their kids play, create, converse, learn, and explore.  Even movies, video games, and TV shows that are supposedly designed for children offer very few opportunities for any of these high-quality, brain-enriching screen-free experiences.  Screen time is always inferior to real life, in terms of satisfying learning experiences.

On my blog, you’ll find a long list of things you can have your kids do instead of watching TV or playing video games:

www.teacherannieexplores.blogspot.com

Happy Screen-Free Week,

Teacher Annie

Teachable Moments

By Peri Kraus, an MWF parent and board member

I never really understood the idea of a teachable moment.  I mean, aren’t they all teachable moments?  Every moment of the day that I’m with my kids, they are figuring something out.  Sometimes it’s good.  Sometimes it’s, well, not so good.  Like right now, as I’m writing, I look up to find my son, scissors in hand, eyeing the dog, the scissors inching closer and closer to the dog’s hair.  So, I remind him that his scissors are not for cutting the dog’s hair and proceed to give him a piece of paper instead.  Teachable moment right there, right?  Well, maybe...

Like most moms, I try to teach my kids the importance of showing kindness toward others, be it through their action or their words.  Although at times I do falter, I try to watch the way I speak and behave so as to act as their guide.  When I make a mistake, I acknowledge it and promise to try harder to make better decisions.  The big thing right now is the word “stupid”.  I never realized how much people fling this word about until I had kids!

The other day at the park, there was a dad hanging out with his kids and their dog.  The dog was so cute.  He was playing fetch, running in circles around everyone.  He was so happy-go-lucky.  My kids were loving it.  Eventually, the dad decided to come over to the swings where his and my own children were playing.  Of course, he brought the dog with him, and of course, the dog was still excited.  The dad started berating the dog, calling it all sorts of names, including “stupid”.  My stomach turned.  My heart dropped.  How could this man, a father, with kids, standing nearby no less, behave like this?  How dare he, after all the time I’ve put into teaching my kids and trying to set a good example for them?!  Should I say something, so that my kids know that his behavior is unacceptable, or should I leave it be.  Maybe my kids won’t notice?!

I watch my kids.  My mind is racing.  What do I do?  What do I do?  My daughter’s eyes are wide.  She’s stopped swinging at this point and is just staring at this dad.  He leaves. She hops off the swing and comes closer to me.

“Mommy, that man called his dog the “s” word,” she says.

“Hmm, I heard.  What did you think about that?” I ask with baited breath.

“He didn’t sound very kind.  He should have shown more kindness and respect for his doggy by using better words.  It made him look not very smart.”

Insert sigh here.  By not getting involved, I allowed my daughter to use everything I had armed her with for this exact type of situation.  Teachable moment, indeed...for both of us.

What Sets Us Apart - The Explorer Commitment

By Teacher Konne Ainsworth, Explorer Director

Several commitments at Explorer have set the course of the school.  The commitment to parent education definitely sets us apart.  There is often confusion about parent education and parent participating.  There can be a huge difference between the two.  At Explorer, we are not just a school with parents “babysitting” kids and washing paint brushes.  We train parents to be good observers not only here, but at home. We train parents to work in a professional way with children, using the tenets of positive discipline and using observations to teach the developmental norms of each age group.  We budget for parent education classes (PECs) that are the envy of some schools.  We try to have excellent classes and challenge parents to be better parents at the school, at home, and in the community. 

Another commitment is to have high quality teachers and hold them to a high standard.  Our teachers are highly trained and have experience and a commitment to professional growth.  The board at Explorer is very supportive of the teachers and continues to respect their input and also implements the programs that the teachers value.  Our teachers have also worked and played together for years and have mutual respect for each other, helping one another be the ‘best that they can be.’

We are also committed to giving the teachers autonomy to develop curriculum and provide enrichment activities that other schools cannot provide, such as art shows, dad’s days, and field trips, which include the Monterey Bay Aquarium and summer camps, to highlight fun activities for mixed ages.  Our curriculum is based on Developmentally Appropriate Practice and is aligned with Creative Curriculum, but includes the California state curriculum framework standards for preschool.

As the director, I encourage teachers, parents, and children to embrace the natural world, while acknowledging that we are in Silicon Valley, a science Mecca.  Science is the foundation of learning, so I believe that teachers and children need to ‘explore’ the world as it relates to children.  We encourage the scientific method and promote inquiry in all areas of learning.

A big decision and commitment was made to move to Willow Glen.  We have enjoyed the facility, building a $160,000 yard complete with vegetation, which supports children learning in a safe, challenging, and natural environment.  We love the outdoor classroom: with its water play, garden, physical challenge area, and large enough space that fosters independence.  Willow Glen was surprisingly multi-ethnic, and we have enjoyed the many cultures that have joined to make the Explorer community.  It is nice to teach in a community that embraces diversity, so we can actually ‘live it’, instead of just reading about it. 

And, I also feel I made a good decision with my commitment to stay on at Explorer---to grow and learn as a parent, teacher, and member of the community.  

Developmentally Appropriate Practice

By Teacher Konne Ainsworth, Explorer Director

We educators sometimes fail to make sure that what is understood by us is understood by parents, too.  I thoroughly believe that a major part of educating children is creating a bond between parents and teachers to together provide what's right for children. 

In the past, educators were driven by materials and information that needed to be “taught” to children.  Curriculum was designed primarily by publishing companies, which interpreted what districts wanted to have taught to children in each grade.  Teachers were often given materials for each subject area with little training in presenting the material.  Lectures were common, and rote learning was thought to be effective, that is, children would be trained to just parrot back what an adult said.  Hands on materials were limited.

Through research, particularly that of Jean Piaget, and the reality that our education system was often ineffective, some changes have been made.  Many of the changes came from early childhood educators.  We have come to call some of these changes developmentally appropriate practice (DAP), to reflect the research based on the needs of the child.  Learning proceeds in a predicable and logical way based on a child’s growth and development, but how it is nurtured is essential.  Children are being asked to do more divergent thinking and be more involved in their own learning.  We also believe that each child's learning style, maturity level, and interests are unique and need to be respected.  Some teaching practices have changed.  Unfortunately, many elementary teachers are not required to take child development courses in conjunction with teaching practices.

Cooperative learning means that children are grouped together to help one another rather than tracked into homogeneous groups.  This is very effective in elementary school.  For instance, four children may work together in spelling: one having mature skills, one needing help, and a couple in the middle having medium skills.  They would discuss words to be learned, form strategies, and work together.  Thus, the focus would shift from that of competition to that of cooperation.  These days, however, the stress of being at the ‘top of the class’ and being competitive is increasingly becoming more important, but it is really not the best ‘learning’ environment for most children.  It’s something to think about: when the focus is on competition, not cooperation, you might get into the best college…but cannot work well with anyone!

Another major change in teaching reading and writing comes from knowing that young children have varying degrees of readiness to read.  The whole language approach encourages children to dictate stories before they formally begin reading.  Children can then 'read' their own words, and as they get older, they can illustrate and edit them.  Children may also decide their own spelling words, make their own books, and read various levels of literature, rather than reading basal texts, which assume that all children learn at the same rate.  Basal texts do have more of a scheduled phonetic approach though, so they are used, too.  Most good teachers use multiple approaches when teaching children in the areas of literacy and other disciplines since we know that children have many modalities and styles of learning.  However, the testing focus has had a fairly negative effect on many teachers who feel they NEED to teach to the test.  Parents are still confused about the role of testing and how if benefits children.  I encourage you to ASK about the value of the testing when your child enters elementary school.  Be an advocate for children.

Five Golden Things

By Sub. Teacher Paula Oakes

At Explorer, there is always a hand to hold and something to discover.  The education and experience of the lead teachers is unsurpassed!

Each month, I visit five classes and see, in their beautiful arc or spectrum, the progress of parents and children as they move through our school.

1. Parents gain skills and support, invaluable to their ability to cope and participate in all that is required of parenting during the preschool years.  Parents’ progress follows that of the children—they gain competence, confidence, and community.  These are essential to life beyond preschool.

2. When children see their parents participate, it validates the importance of school, education, and community.  The children also benefit from having supported and skillful parents.

3. The children gain social skills that help them negotiate relationships at each age/stage.  Through interaction in a developmentally appropriate environment, children gain esteem through competence and confidence.

4. Children’s cognitive skills and love of learning through discovery will carry them through their next learning & school experiences.  When learning takes place in a natural way, it contributes to cognitive structure and connections and even a sense of wonder that is essential for continued educational success.

5. Parents, teachers, and children learn and work together through supportive, caring relationships, which is one of the strongest predictors or indicators of educational health.  The greater community benefits as families move out beyond the preschool: participating, leading, and sharing these golden things…

There's More to Open House...

Explorer Open House is coming up!  Here are the details.

Explorer Open House

Monday, February 13th, 2012

9:00 AM – 2:00 PM

Fall 2012 Enrollment

Open House is a great way for everyone to see the parent participation program we have at Explorer Preschool.  Please tell your friends, family, and neighbors with preschool-age children to come and visit us at Open House.  For those interested in coming to this event, there will be tours of the school and a chance to observe the classes in progress. There will be knowledgeable parents on hand to answer questions.

But, there’s more to Open House than meets the eye!  Keep reading to discover one parent’s perspective and emotional connection to the open house event last year…

By Solvay O’Leary, an MW2/MWF mom, Children’s Ed Committee Chair

New to the San Jose area, I first discovered Explorer Preschool while attending a Las Madres event in January of 2010.  I was looking for a parent participation preschool for my 2 ½-year old son (and eventually my 10-month-old daughter).  It immediately caught my interest mainly because we could walk to it from our new home.

What a gem I discovered when I toured the school later that month during the annual open house!  I loved the space right away.  It felt big, but purposeful.  I felt that a child could grow here and not feel confined by the same rooms each year.  The children would have freedom to move about and explore at their own pace.  A current parent joked that some kids sit at the snack table for the first few months and then one day decide “I’m going outside!” and aren’t seen again for snack for the rest of the school year!

During the tour, I had a chance to chat with some of the working parents.  These were people that I wanted to be friends with!  They were genuinely enthusiastic and interested in my children and me.  Although difficult to pinpoint the exact quality, it was obvious that my tour guide was genuinely comfortable at and proud of the school.  It seemed rushed to apply right then, but after touring the school and meeting the working parents, I had nothing to lose.  I was pleased to find out soon after visiting that we got a spot!

Jump forward one year and I found myself working at the open house.  My own feelings when touring were now corroborated: I was proud of my school and genuinely wanted prospective parents to feel the same good feelings I had felt about the space and working parents.  After spending time in the classroom and performing my various school commitments, I had realized how important it is to have a positive, strong parent base at our children’s schools.  Explorer’s respect for parents and focus on parent education is one of their key strengths and the driving force behind putting our best face forward at Open House.

Gender Identity

By Teacher Annie Castle Deckert

Every child just wants to be loved and accepted for who she or he is.  Teachers and parents at Explorer work hard to make it a place where every child can feel comfortable, happy, confident, and joyful.  But, are we doing that well enough?  In an ideal world, it would be a "given" that children and adults should feel free to just be themselves, but unfortunately, we don't live in an ideal world. 

This interesting and thought-provoking article speaks to the issue of gender identity, an area of acceptance that we don't often talk about.  It describes a teacher's experience of dealing with gender stereotypes in the classroom.  After you read it, let us know your thoughts!  Our community is strengthened by sharing and discussion, and we all have lots to learn from each other about children and parenting.

http://togetherforjacksoncountykids.tumblr.com/post/14314184651/one-teachers-approach-to-preventing-gender-bullying-in 

Powerful Play

by Teacher Annie Castle Deckert

Yesterday, I got to spend an hour doing “nothing” with a 4-year-old and a 2-year-old.  We found a weedy, empty lot, and we went exploring.  The children pulled and picked, poked and prodded, stomped and stepped, looked and listened.  Their joy and contentment was viral, and it quickly infected me, too.

 The 4-year-old immediately entered a world of pretend, inspired by the surroundings.  The dead weeds were “Grain Of Wheat! My mom makes me bread out of this!  It’s delicious!”, and she set to work gathering the “grain” for a new batch of pretend bread.  The 2-year-old rejoiced in the sensation of pulling grass out of the damp ground by the stems, and crunching leaves and dead plants under foot.  Together, they found “treasure,” sang and talked to each other, and giggled about how funny it was to smash clods of dirt under their feet.  They discovered together how shaking the branches of a shrub caused the fluffy seed to fly into the wind, looking like snowflakes. 

When it was time to leave, we didn’t want to go!  The children had been creating magic out of “nothing” for an hour, and none of us wanted to break that spell.  When we got back into the car, we all agreed that we felt refreshed, even though it was late in the afternoon, and NONE of us had gotten our nap that day.

This magical hour might not have happened.  The kids’ nanny had first intended to bring a video for them to watch when she was planning for this expected wait-time while she had a doctor’s appointment.  But then, wise young woman that she is (my daughter, Audra!), she realized that the doctor’s office had some empty space next door, and suggested that maybe I could take them for a walk outside while she was seeing the doctor.  Think about the contrast: turning our brains off for an hour while watching a video vs. the brain stimulation of fresh air and pretend play.  If we’d gone the video-route, I’m certain that we would have ended up with two cranky, wired kids instead of the refreshed, enthusiastic, yet calm kids we buckled into the car after this hour of quality outdoor play.

Kids are BORN to play.  They crave play.  They want and need nothing more than to explore, pretend, and experience the world through their senses.  Nature (even a tiny courtyard, patio, or backyard) is the richest environment for quality play.  Simple, kid-generated play is the best.  In yesterday's play, our “toys” comprised weeds, grass, and dirt.  Fancy, expensive, glittery beeping toys are attractive enough to distract kids from their real business of learning and growing.  When they get to immerse themselves in kid-driven (not toy-driven) play every day, they feel great.  They feel like themselves.  Through quality play, kids’ brains grow and neural connections multiply, laying the foundation for all future learning.  Taking the “easy” route and falling back on videos and toys designed to be entertaining rather than useful inevitably results in kids who are frustrated and bored.

Yesterday's experience reminded me of a post about toys, which I wrote for my blog a year ago:

http://teacherannieexplores.blogspot.com/2010/12/have-yourself-open-ended-christmas.html

And my thoughts about the benefits of quality play were reinforced this week by these posts from other sources:

With Building Blocks, Educators Going Back to Basics - NYTimes.com

The 5 Best Toys of All Time

(It almost sounds like the people who wrote these articles had been reading my blog, or attending Explorer PEC’s!) 

In addition, you might want to check out our local “Wild Zone” group:
http://www.wild-zone.net/www.wild-zone.net/New_Social_Space.html

'Twas a Day at Explorer

By Katie Berg, 4-day parent and Explorer President

A year ago today, on the last day of November, I took my son to his 4-Day class and prepared to have an average day at Explorer Preschool.  After settling in, I took a moment to look around and realized something great about the school---even the average days are magical.  Inspired by the season and the holiday events at school, I wrote the following “’Twas a Day at Explorer”.  This year has been equally magical as I have shared similar experiences with my daughter in the 4-Day class.  Happy Holidays!

‘Twas the day before December, 12:15 at Explorer,

Teacher Konne looked out at the classroom before her;

The cubbies were waiting for backpacks to fill them

By students named Debbie, Samantha, and William.

Teacher Jackie was ready, all set for the day

While the children arrived to learn and to play,

And I in my Explorer shirt, donned the apron of blue

While my son signed his name and washed his hands, too,

When out in the yard there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.

Away to the window, with wind in my sails,

I saw a full workbench, with hammer and nails

The children all pounded, safety glasses in place,

Sawing blocks of wood using tools from the case

When, what to my wondering ears should arrive

But a bunch of the children traveling inside

With a curly-haired teacher, sharing a rhyme,

I knew in a moment it must be group time.

More rapid than eagles, kids sat in the circle

And Teacher Konne announced, "Welcome, Group Purple!"

"Now, children!  Now, listen!  Now, sit on your bottoms!

The Nutcracker costumes have arrived; I've got 'em!

To the start of the music, to the start of it all,

Now, dance away!  Dance away!  Dance away all!"

As soldiers and mice practiced, all quite able,

The hungry kids came and sat at snack table;

There I waited, with latkes to toss

As they grated potatoes and spooned applesauce

And then, in the science room, laughter and cackles

As children learned why a dry leaf crackles;

All over the floor, covering the room

While the clean-up parent prepared to vacuum

In the literacy room next door, there were boxes

That children learned to wrap, as quickly as foxes;

Paper and tape, what more could they need?

And gift-giving teaches generosity, not greed

And where did they get the paper for wrapping?

Check the art station, you’ll hear table tapping;

They’re stamping the paper, all on their own

Preparing to wrap the gifts to take home.

Their eyes -- how they twinkled! Their dimples how cute!

Their cheeks were like roses as they carried their loot

Back to their cubbies, ready for giving

Along with the lessons that make life worth living:

These kids learned of holidays and family traditions

Through various hands-on, fun expeditions

They learned of the world, of friends, of self-control,

Of things that affect mind, body, and soul.

They sprang to their carpool, to their friends gave a whistle

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

 I wanted to exclaim, as I drove out of sight,

“For us, Explorer Preschool is doing it right!”

Sibling Rivalry

By Geri Wong, an MWF parent

Every parent raises their children hoping that the siblings will grow up together and enjoy a lifetime of harmonious companionship, friendship, and support for each other.  But, if you've got more than one child who's an active preschooler, like I do, that can seem like a very lofty goal.  Or is it?  The Siblings Without Rivalry PEC seminar helped me understand the underlying causes for sibling rivalry in easy-to-understand concepts and provided some practical steps to minimize conflicts as well as resolve them when they occur.  On a deeper level, the speaker made me realize that even though my kids are young, they are every bit full of emotion, pride, sense of reasoning, and eagerness to please as any adult.  They want and need people to respect them and the things that are important to them. 

One of the tools presented was to give each child a protected play space—an area and toys that they can claim as their own.  The protected play space is their safe place where they can play without worrying that their sibling will knock down, say, their best train creation ever.  I found that sharing was actually easier for my kids when they knew they didn’t have to share everything.  It was amazing to me how major an impact such a minor physical change to my children’s environment had on their interaction with each other.  I learned that as parents, we can’t control everything, but we have the power to create an environment that fosters respect and consideration for each child, which, with a little luck, can place them on a path toward a wonderful relationship with each other.  What more could a mother ask for?

Kids will be Kids? I Don't Think So

By Fouzia Ahmad, an MWF parent

To all those who justify their kids' bullying behavior with notions such as 'kids will be kids', let me say this.  Or better yet, let me quote President Obama, who says: “[Let’s] dispel the myth that bullying is just a harmless rite of passage or an inevitable part of growing up.  It’s not.  Bullying can have destructive consequences for our young people."

Ever since I can remember, I've been passionate about the bullying issue.  Have I ever been bullied?  No...well, nothing that caused any psychological damage, anyway.  Nor have I been a bully, just to be clear!  Maybe it's all those stories I heard growing up that just stuck in my mind.  The taunting, the slanders, the suicides...

October is National Bullying Prevention Month, and it's a great time to raise awareness on an issue that is nothing short of a epidemic in our schools.  I always knew that bullying is a 'problem', but the statistics were quite a revelation to me.  Here are a few facts about bullying that will---if you're like me---make your jaw drop:

• American schools harbor approximately 2.1 million bullies and 2.7 million of their victims.  What?  Almost as many bullies as there are victims?

• 1 in 7 students in grades K - 12 is either a bully or has been a victim of bullying.  That's a LOT closer to home than many of us may have imagined.

• About 160,000 children miss school EVERY DAY out of fear of being bullied.   This means that, apart from being a safety issue, it impacts education, too.

• Revenge for bullying is one of the strongest motivations for school shootings.   If today's bullies are potentially tomorrow's criminals, you'd think they'd take more serious measures to eliminate the problem.

There's a lot of criticism on how schools are dealing with the issue.  And for good reason.  Clearly, something's not right, or we wouldn't be seeing the staggering numbers I mention above, not to mention a rise in cyberbullying, LGBT bullying, and bullycides.  Most schools implement a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to bullying and other violence.  However, research is showing that this policy is not an effective solution when it comes to bullying.  For example, in many cases when bullying incidents are reported to school authorities, both the bullies and the victims get suspended from the school.  Umm, no thank you.  That's definitely not going to encourage a victim to come forward and report an incident.  Moreover, simply punishing the bullies means that we're overlooking what caused them to become bullies in the first place, and that we're not addressing the root of the problem: why did the bully feel the need to bully someone?

Interestingly, 47 out of the 50 states actually have anti-bullying laws (although the terms and clauses vary), but having a law is one thing and policy implementation and accountability is quite another.  Anti-bullying laws can definitely stand to improve and school systems need to get their act together and clampdown on the issue with a more collaborative approach.  Meanwhile though, the bullies aren't going anywhere, and our kids are left to the mercy of, well, us.  So, what can we do to protect our children and our communities from bullying?

I really like the NEA bullying campaign slogan, which says: Bully Free, It Starts with Me.  Just to clarify, I am not endorsing the campaign in any way.  But, ignoring its context within the campaign, I really like how the slogan reads.  Think about it.  We can't fully control the outside environment: the laws, the school policies, the teachers, the bystander students, and definitely not the bullies.  But, what we can have great control over is ourselves and our children, and that's where we should start (i.e. It starts with Me).  I truly believe that we need to make our kids resilient to bullying from the inside out.  So, how do we do it?  One word: SELF-ESTEEM.

Bullying is mostly psychological.  Emotional bullying, which is the most prevalent type, causes psychological damage in its victims.  This is why self-esteem is so important.  Kids with good self-esteem are shielded from bully attacks because they feel good about themselves and who they are, whereas kids with low self-esteem are less likely to stick up for who they are, becoming a prime target for bullies who are looking to pick on someone weaker than them.  You know, as parents, we often think of 'kindergarten readiness' as developing reading, writing, and math skills, whereas we should pay as much attention, if not more, to our child's emotional and social development, at the core of which is self-esteem. 

We should focus on our kids being confident and proud of their individuality, while teaching them to respect others' differences, too.  We should help them develop empathy, communication skills, and sense of self-efficacy that will preclude their ever feeling a need to bully another child.

Here are a couple of resources with info on how to build your child's self-esteem:
http://www.babycenter.com/0_ten-ways-to-build-your-childs-self-esteem_65569.bc
http://life.familyeducation.com/self-esteem/parenting/34401.html

On a side note, I personally think that martial arts can also help prevent bullying to some extent.  Not because it provides physical preparedness (although that helps!) but because martial arts gives children the mental strength, confidence, and posturing necessary to project a sense of being in control---tools that are important to ward off that bully looking for potential targets.

Finally, many parents think that bullying isn't something that they need to worry until their kids hit middle school.  Not true.  Cases of bullying are known to happen to even very young children.  A recent survey of Massachusetts third-graders found that 47 percent had been bullied.  This evolution means that parents and teachers need to be on the lookout for cases of bullying that happen even at the preschool age level. 

For more information on dealing with bullying and bullying prevention, you can check out:
http://www.bullyingstatistics.org/content/dealing-with-bullying.html
http://www.bullyingstatistics.org/content/prevent-bullying.html

Meanwhile, here's leaving you, Explorer parents and teachers, with a few thoughts and questions that I would love to get your input on:

• Most of us try to prevent our children from becoming the victims of bullying, but how many of us try to ensure that our kids do not become the bully?

• In the (blessed) scenario where our children are neither the target nor the bully, but just the bystander, have we educated our kids on how to respond when they witness bullying in front of them?

• How can we identify a bully in the making?  What behaviors can we look at in a child in, say, preschool and say...hey, this kid might end up bullying later.  Let's address this early on, so that he/she never gets to that point?

• Has anyone had any bullying-related experiences that you could share with us and help educate and prepare us for?

My Obsession with Sugar

By Stefanie Bellucci, 4-day parent and board member

My transition from the Explorer world of healthy snacks into the big-kid, elementary school snacking world has been quite the eye-opener.  Sugar has become my enemy and is constantly in my thoughts.  I am pretty much convinced that SUGAR, in one form or another, is my children’s main food group and source of calories.  Amidst softball game and girl scout camp snacks, frequent birthday party treats, and the seemingly daily celebrations at school and their grandparents' house, my kids have no room left in their diet for the forgotten meat, dairy, and vegetable/fruit food groups.


I often wonder how my family got to this point.  What used to be the occasional treat has not only become daily (and sometimes hourly) but is often a packaged, unrecognizable snack with more ingredients than I can count on two hands.  Looking back now at my pre-kids self, I can only laugh at my naivety, for thinking that I would actually have some control over what my kids ate. 

One of my biggest sources of frustration with the sugar fixation is that among a group of well educated adults at my children's elementary school, I often feel like the lone voice of reason.  Does that parent really need to bring juice, packaged cupcakes, and gummy worms for snack after softball?  And then there is my friend who declares an eat-as-many-as-you-want popsicle day for her daughter when the weather is hot.  I even had a child's family member once tell me that unlimited cookies are "just a part of childhood."  Umm, I thought that childhood was when we learned healthy eating habits?  And with all these constant treats, when do I, the parent, actually get a chance to make cookies with my kids or buy them frozen yogurt without feeling guilty for giving them even more sugar?

Unfortunately, my obsession is becoming a part of every food conversation I have with my children.  I find myself doing all those bad-food-parent acts, such as labeling good food and bad food, struggling with the kids over eating healthy food rather than unhealthy treats, and creating general discontent at the dinner table.  And yet, the words just tumble out.  The irony of the situation is that maybe those parents are right.  Will allowing all the treats and avoiding the food battle make our kids healthier eaters in the long run?  I don’t have the answer and as with all questions kid related, I will continue to figure it out as I go along.  Meanwhile, I would love to hear how you moms in the same boat deal with this.  Do you find yourselves in a constant battle, or do you have a go-to strategy that you know always works?  How do you regulate sugar levels---not to mention sanity levels (umm, your own!)---in your kids' lives?

The Veggie Challenge

By Paula Ould, Together Time parent

Farmer’s Market season is upon us. We often attend the Cambrian Farmer’s Market each Wednesday from May through September. It’s been a chance for us to get out of the house for dinner, meet friends for a picnic and to try new foods.

Last summer a friend of ours challenged many of us to “The Veggie Challenge.” She had read about it in a parenting magazine and thought it would be fun if many families rallied around and did the challenge together. I never could have imagined the impact it would make on my family. Up until The Veggie Challenge, my family’s veggie repertoire consisted mainly of peas, carrots and corn. On occasion, when I was feeling brave, I would throw in an artichoke, potato or zucchini or two. I didn’t like veggies as a kid (think canned peas here) thus they never entered into my routine as an adult. And I really didn’t like the battle that was caused between my parents and I about what I would eat and how much. For me, personally, it was one factor that lead to an eating disorder later in life which I really did not want to pass along to my three children.

So, what is the Veggie Challenge? Well, each of us parents tailored it to our individual families. The ultimate goal was to get kids to eat more of a variety of vegetables. Most of us used a two week system where our kids were encouraged to have a serving of veggies at lunch and dinner. At the end of the two weeks the kids had a reward as did a charity of their choice. My eldest daughter wanted to spend her money on books while my youngest daughter wanted Barbies. Both daughters wanted their charity money to be spent abroad for the soldiers who were fighting for our freedoms.

I used the Farmer’s Market as a tool for the kids to get involved with what they ate. Each week we would walk down the row, look at foods and guess what they would taste like. We discussed how each one could be cooked and how the cooking methods would change how they tasted. The girls (6 and 4 at the time) would each pick out a vegetable to eat in the following days. We tried broccoli, asparagus, brussels sprouts (from the grocery store), various types of potatoes, summer squash, kale, and many more. There were plenty of meals that were absolute flops for the entire family. However, almost one year later, our veggie menu has grown tremendously! Each of the girls will now frequently ask for bell peppers, broccoli, snap peas, and asparagus. They no longer automatically turn their noses up to new foods, veggies or not. A wide variety of fish is now among our diet including salmon and catfish; both which are loved by many members of our family. And, on occasion when they do put up a fair amount of resistance, I remind them of last summer’s Veggie Challenge. They have come to love foods I never would have imagined to have as staples in my fridge.

We have yet to make it to the farmer’s market this season, but the girls continue to ask when we can go. My goal this year is to have my son, age 2, pick out veggies, and other foods, he would like to try. I need to continue to remind myself to place the importance of healthy choices for our family and to not be frustrated when they do put up a fight to not eat certain foods.

Spring Cleaning For Parents

By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller of Personal Power Press

Rake the yard. Clean out the garage. Go through closets. Donate unused items to charitable organizations. Wash windows. You know the drill. It’s called SPRING CLEANING.

But what if spring cleaning took on a new twist this year, one that would benefit your children greatly? What if you cleaned the cobwebs out of your mind? What if you wiped away all the limiting beliefs that keep you from becoming the parent you always wanted to be? What if you cleaned up a broken relationship, mended a mental fence, or reminded yourself about the importance of your role in your child’s life? This spring might just be the ideal time for cleaning up your responsibility as a parent. Consider the ideas below.

Reawaken your curiosity. Clean out your present expectations and your knowing of why your children do things. Return to wonder. Be fascinated by what they do. Let yourself be awed. Allow your curiosity to bloom this spring.

Eliminate judgment. Judgment keeps you from seeing your children clearly. If you judge a child as lazy, you are less likely to see ambitious behavior. If you judge her as uncaring, you will have difficulty noticing her benevolent acts. Clean the lens in your eyes by reducing the number of judgments through which you perceive your children.

Be out of your mind. Use silent times to wash old and useless thoughts from your mind. Resist the urge to overanalyze parenting issues. Stop thinking and cluttering your mind with incessant chatter. Listen to your heart. Follow your intuition. Pick parenting strategies that have your heart in them.

Appreciate the moment. The best present to give your children is to be fully present when you are with them. Throw out thoughts about the future and the past when you interact with your children. There is only one moment to see, feel, express, learn, grow, or heal with your children. This is it. Pitch the rest.

Clean up your schedule. Every child in the world spells love, T-I-M-E. Adjust your priorities. Pick through your list of social and business activities. Get rid of old obligations and habits that prevent you from investing time with your children.

Apologize and begin again. Spring is the time of new beginnings. Do you need to begin again with one of your children? Do you need to make amends? If so, tell him or her what you learned and what you intend to do differently from now on. Then follow through.

Cut down on talking. Reduce your need to explain, lecture, moralize, rationalize, and convince. The first step towards love is to listen. Give your children the gift of your presence by hearing rather that telling, by acknowledging instead of convincing, by understanding rather that jumping to conclusions.

Rework truth. Cleanse your mind of the notion that there is ONE truth. You know your truth. Allow your children to find theirs. Model for your children how you live your truth. Support them in their efforts to find their own truth and encourage them to trust it.

Fix it up. What parenting concerns need to be fixed in your home? Do you need to fix a relationship, the use of the TV and the internet, or a reoccurring stress? Fix your mind first so you are tuned into fixing problems rather than fixing blame. Maintain a solution-seeking mindset as you fix it up this spring.

Give yourself a perception check. Remember, you can choose to see any parenting situation differently from the way you are presently seeing it. Perception is always a choice. Clean up your mind by asking yourself, “Is this way of seeing this problem the one that brings the most light and love to the situation?” Use springtime to enlighten your parenting perceptions and actions.

A thorough spring cleaning of your parenting style could make your home sparkle. It could be like a fresh coat of paint that brightens the exterior and the interior of yourself and your children. It might work like the cleansing combination of adding energy and love to a bucket of soap and water. Brighter, cleaner, healthier family relationships could well be the result of your spring cleaning this year.

Happy cleaning.

Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of Teaching The Attraction Principle to Children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it visit www.personalpowerpress.com.

Off Loading Big Feelings

by Amy Trayer, 4-day parent and board president

I took my 5 year old twins to their favorite store recently to help me pick out a birthday gift for a friend. I don't make it a habit to buy them something every time we are out (especially since they just had a birthday). In fact, we've been really working on this - talking beforehand about what we are going to buy, to not ask me to buy them anything once we are there and I often try to shop without them to avoid arguments altogether. It's been working most of the time, other times huge meltdowns happen because they want me to buy them something (forgetting our deal!). It's an on-going learning process for all of us. On this particular day I told them ahead of time that when we got to the store, we would buy their friend a gift, and they could each pick something out for themselves (I was feeling generous, it's been a good week). They did great! They spent a lot of time really thinking it over and they each found something they wanted at a reasonable cost (which we've also been talking about). Everyone left happy – success!

After wearing her new nightgown all evening, my daughter came out of bed that night very upset. She did NOT like her new nightgown, in fact she wanted to take it off and take it back to the store right now. She wanted a different one. She began to shout at me and get very upset. She refused to go to bed. I could have gotten very angry, yelled and physically put her back in her bed. But instead, I took a deep breath and decided to just listen and let her unload these big feelings.

I calmly walked her back into the bedroom with her brother watching and listening the entire time. It was about 40 minutes of her crying and telling me all sorts of things: she wanted to rip up the nightgown, she wanted to throw away everything in the house, she wanted a different nightgown, grown-ups are not in charge, grown-ups get mad at children, she misses daddy (he's been working long hours lately), she doesn't like any of her toys, her brother is mean to her and much more........

How did it end? NOT with me yelling or getting mad or thinking she's acting spoiled by wanting a different nightgown or feeling frustrated that it’s now way past her bedtime and I’m not getting anything done that I had planned. I realized she needed to unload and I let her. I didn't interrupt, I didn't tell her to stop or force her to go to bed and I didn't tell her we'd go back and get her a new nightgown. I just listened. I stayed close. I looked her in the eyes the whole time. After, she began to calm down and she hugged me for a long time and we snuggled together in bed until she fell asleep. As I lay there, I was thinking how letting her pick out one thing in her favorite store was probably really overwhelming and she was regretting her decision now and that was very upsetting to her. Or maybe that shopping experience was the catalyst for off loading these other feelings she had built up inside of her. Probably a little of both. Whatever it was, it ended with her feeling reconnected again and me feeling good that I handled it the way I did.

For more information on Parenting by Connection, visit their website.

Honing My Nurturing Instinct

by Denise Ferguson, T/Th parent

In the book “Nurture Shock” the authors introduce the notion that parents rely on the impulse to nurture but have to figure out how best do it. I completely agree with this. For the first few years of my daughter’s life I relied on my instinct A LOT. This seemed so easy to me. I’m not saying that I knew immediately what to do but my instinct told me whether I could implement a parenting plan.

When I needed to make a decision, I contemplated it, discussed it with my friends, family and husband and then implemented it. IF I felt good about the decision, I could go through with it. If not, then I had to go back to the drawing board – or whatever parenting book I had on my nightstand. For example, letting my child cry herself to sleep. Yes, I did that but only when she was ready (ie and when I was ready to follow through with that plan). My willingness to follow through was my indication that I believed it to be the right thing to do.

That system of researching and contemplating is no longer an option. My child can speak and demands an answer promptly. I no longer have the luxury of taking the time to dig deep into my parenting resources and come up with an answer, try it, and see if I feel good about it. To be prepared for everything that my child comes up with is impossible. But after reading “Nurture Shock”, I am confident that there are a handful of guidelines that I can implement in my household to make parenting my growing child possible.

The author's daughter at Explorer's front gate on her first day of school.

I could probably get by on my parenting impulse but what Po Bronson offers is a way to better nurture my child. My impulse might get me through an awkward or embarrassing situation with my child but it won’t enable me to turn those moments into opportunities to teach my child valuable lifelong lessons. This concept has been particularly insightful for me and having Po Bronson present it in person at Explorer Preschool last month was a memorable and motivational event.

One specific example is related to instances when children lie. Po discussed the fact that children lie, the reasons that children lie and the ways to handle it. I had suspected my daughter has lied to me a few times but it wasn’t until I heard Po speak about it and the ways to address it that I took her lying seriously. Not only did I take her lying serious but I also looked forward to the next lie she told! She told a lie this morning and I got the chance to try Po’s instructions. His instructions were to and show how happy you are when the child tells the truth.

Embracing honesty is only the first of many of Po’s parenting suggestions that I will implement in my parenting technique. As I go to implement the next one I will remember Po’s talk.

NutureShock paperback vs Tiger Mother: A Letter from Po Bronson

So this reveals what a groupie I am...but yes I'm on Po Bronson's email list. And while he signed my hardcover copy of NutureShock last night, I also got permission to re-post the letter below. I'm planning on writing a post with some of the highlights from last night's talk at Explorer, but in the meantime thought this would be interesting to share since he did spend quite a bit of time on Tiger Mother. --Kim Kooyers, MW2s.

January 18, 2011

Dear Readers,

The really good news is, I can run again. Not very fast. And only once or twice around a track. There's about a kitchen faucet's worth of titanium in my hip and pelvis, installed four months ago. I am in awe of what doctors can do these days. Man, I am happy. The last eighteen months I had a hard time working, I could barely walk and was often on crutches, one surgery had failed, and all I could think about was the joy of running around freely like a kid.

The saving grace this past eighteen months - at least during the daytime when I sat here at my desk - was the ongoing success of NurtureShock. I really want to thank our readers for that. Even after the launch, the book continued to sell so well in hardcover that there seemed to be no need to release it in paperback. It spent over 365 days in Amazon's nonfiction Top 100, and was named to over thirty "Best of the Year" lists, by iTunes, Barnes&Noble, Discover, The Onion, and so many others.

Finally, though, NurtureShock is now out in paperback. So if you have a friend...maybe a friend whose teenagers are starting to rebel...or a friend who is trying to boost the confidence of his five year old...or a friend who has to constantly separate young siblings from arguing in the back seat...please buy some more copies. And thirty of our best Newsweek columns from last year are posted on www.nurtureshock.com.

If NurtureShock was last year's big child development book, without a doubt the even bigger parenting book of 2011 is Amy Chua's "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother," which everyone's been talking about since an excerpt ran in the Wall Street Journal nine days ago, titled "Why Chinese Mothers are Superior."

I actually read the book months ago - read it when I got out of the hospital. My old Random House boss Ann Godoff now runs Penguin, and she'd sent me a galley. In NurtureShock (p 22), we wrote about a study that compared mothers in Hong Kong against mothers in Illinois, which used hidden cameras to record mothers talking to their 11-year-olds during a break between two short pattern-finding IQ tests. After the break, the Chinese kids' performance leaped 33 percent, largely because their mothers used the five minutes to tutor their kids. The American mothers mostly used the five minutes to chill and take the pressure off. So Ann thought I'd like the book, and I was glad she had a hit for her house.

I just couldn't endorse the book, though. Not because Amy Chua admits to insulting and guilting her daughters constantly...and not because Amy Chua deprives her kids of playdates and sleepovers...and not because Amy disses athletics and drama. Believe me, I've spent years now watching scholars' videotapes of how parents and kids really interact, I get used to that stuff.

Rather, I couldn't endorse it because too much of the book felt like braggadocio about how great her daughters were at piano and violin. Hey, we all do it...we take immense pride when our kids do well...some of that pride slips out now and then, absolutely...but a whole book predicated on children's superiority made me uncomfortable.

Nevertheless, despite all the objections and caveats, Tiger Mother is really selling. The fact that people are buying the book - not just talking about it - suggests there's a real craving out there for inspiration, maybe permission to push kids a little harder when they don't try. And that is partly the same vein that catapulted NurtureShock, going back to our original article on the science of praise. However, that's where the similarity ends.

Over the holidays, coincidentally, I also read Andre Agassi's memoir, Open. Both Open and Tiger Mother are stories of parents gone maniacal in their drive to make their kids number one, at the expense of any real childhood. The difference is, while Andre Agassi still loved his dad, he knows that doesn't excuse what his dad did to him. Even when he became #1 in the world, it didn't excuse it. A lost childhood has no price.

Ashley and I have studied parenting in China quite a bit, and two points are immediately relevant. The first is, the tradeoff between being a warm, loving, cuddly parent and being a parent who makes your child focus on learning is a false tradeoff. Going back to that study of mothers in Hong Kong I mentioned, during that five-minute break the Chinese mothers smiled and hugged their children just as much as American mothers did (and were no more likely to frown or raise their voices.) Importantly, these contemporary Chinese mothers did not insult or guilt their kids.

So when you hear about top math scores from Shanghai, don't think the success comes from cruel and harsh parenting. It comes from being supportive of learning.

We have to be careful in judging kids behavioral outbursts. Every time a pundit goes to a grocery store and sees a four year old throwing a tantrum, they write a column how American parents have become softies. They long for the old days when kids were obedient. The truth is, parents have two choices when their kids act out. They can appeal to reason, or they can demand strict obedience. Modern parents, for the most part, appeal to reason. Over time, this is good for the kids - they become independent thinkers, they learn to reason back and forth with adults, and they can stick up for themselves. But in the short term, when they're five or six years old, they're not very rational yet, and they act out more. They throw more tantrums, they can be disruptive, et cetera. Demanding strict obedience at all times ends it - but at a long term cost.

And with teenagers, we so often focus only on external rebellion. It's certainly the most visible. But teens whose need for autonomy is suppressed often have internalizing problems, such as depression.

Depression is actually becoming a huge problem in China. The work of Dr. Keng-Ling Lay in Taiwan has discovered one of the reasons why. She studies children and teenagers who've been told all their life that the secret to success is hard work - and yet, despite trying their best, never become A-students, or gifted musicians, or top athletes. They believe their inability to work hard enough is innate. They see no path to success, and feel like failures. It's sorta obvious, but this is the downside of kids living in any environment where success is defined in such limited ways. Dr. Lay says that parents are changing rapidly in Taiwan, but teachers are not. (Maybe this was why NurtureShock was a bestseller in Taiwan, too.)

Anyway, I've rambled enough. Here's a link to the most-frequently-tweeted column that Ashley and I wrote last year: Why Teens Are Growing Up So Slowly Today.

thanks again,

Po