Honing My Nurturing Instinct

by Denise Ferguson, T/Th parent

In the book “Nurture Shock” the authors introduce the notion that parents rely on the impulse to nurture but have to figure out how best do it. I completely agree with this. For the first few years of my daughter’s life I relied on my instinct A LOT. This seemed so easy to me. I’m not saying that I knew immediately what to do but my instinct told me whether I could implement a parenting plan.

When I needed to make a decision, I contemplated it, discussed it with my friends, family and husband and then implemented it. IF I felt good about the decision, I could go through with it. If not, then I had to go back to the drawing board – or whatever parenting book I had on my nightstand. For example, letting my child cry herself to sleep. Yes, I did that but only when she was ready (ie and when I was ready to follow through with that plan). My willingness to follow through was my indication that I believed it to be the right thing to do.

That system of researching and contemplating is no longer an option. My child can speak and demands an answer promptly. I no longer have the luxury of taking the time to dig deep into my parenting resources and come up with an answer, try it, and see if I feel good about it. To be prepared for everything that my child comes up with is impossible. But after reading “Nurture Shock”, I am confident that there are a handful of guidelines that I can implement in my household to make parenting my growing child possible.

The author's daughter at Explorer's front gate on her first day of school.

I could probably get by on my parenting impulse but what Po Bronson offers is a way to better nurture my child. My impulse might get me through an awkward or embarrassing situation with my child but it won’t enable me to turn those moments into opportunities to teach my child valuable lifelong lessons. This concept has been particularly insightful for me and having Po Bronson present it in person at Explorer Preschool last month was a memorable and motivational event.

One specific example is related to instances when children lie. Po discussed the fact that children lie, the reasons that children lie and the ways to handle it. I had suspected my daughter has lied to me a few times but it wasn’t until I heard Po speak about it and the ways to address it that I took her lying seriously. Not only did I take her lying serious but I also looked forward to the next lie she told! She told a lie this morning and I got the chance to try Po’s instructions. His instructions were to and show how happy you are when the child tells the truth.

Embracing honesty is only the first of many of Po’s parenting suggestions that I will implement in my parenting technique. As I go to implement the next one I will remember Po’s talk.